Saturday, August 1, 2009

Unfortunately Friday was a torrential downpour and we were not able to operate so all of the drivers went out and had some fun instead.  I had another encounter with Grumpi in the middle of the street as I tried to talk some sense into him.  According to the Grumpster, I called him a “crackhead” and that is the worst kind of insult so he is “done wif me dude.”  Oh well, I had some of my cousins in town (my mom is one of 15 so there’s usually some family members in town) and we decided to hit up the good ol Sandbar.  We didn’t do any karaoke (what a bunch of susie birds) but played pool in borderline the most uncomfortable situation  ever.  There clearly was not ample room and the abundance of mullet sporting patrons were certainly not moving to accommodate us.  Oh well, on with Saturday night!

AN OLD FRIEND BRINGS A BACHELORETTE PARTY

I had given a few rides and was kicking it outside of Seacret’s when I heard a girl exclaimed “BANANA MAN!”  I looked around in a bewildered fashion, wait….were they talking to me?  I was startled to find my small friend Raven from Lancaster, PA beaming a huge, cute smile at me.  I had met Raven and her friend Stefanie a few weeks earlier outside of Pickles at closing time as they were headed toward the beach.  I asked them where they were going and they replied they were going to hang out on the boardwalk.  The boardwalk?  What the hell?  Are you 15 years old?  They told me that they didn’t know any better so I suggested that they take a midnight stroll on my pedicab instead, we had a great time!

So, flash forward to last night and here I have the same adorable girl sitting there smiling with about 5 of her friends and guess where they wanted to go?  THE BOARDWALK!  Now mind you, everyone had all sorts of crazy crap on as they were all together for a bachelorette party and now they were telling me that they wanted to venture down to the boardwalk aka “Creep City” during late night.  Luckily I had another pedicab driver, Ryan, there with me and we successfully talked them out of it and said that Fishtale’s would be a much wiser choice.  So, 3 girls hopped on my bike, 3 on Ryan’s and we departed!

Ryan actually has a much more extroverted personality than I do so everyone in our little excursion was having an absolute blast.  Our bikes followed each other closely (actually Ryan was ducked down behind me so he could ride with much more ease in my tail wind that son of a gun) and the girls were hollering at essentially everyone on the roadway.   Men, women, boys and girls, pizza delivery men and the police all got a solid yelp from the pedicabs.

The one to the far right of my cab (who was absolutely hilarious by the way) suggested that we should all get thrown in handcuffs and take a ride on the paddywagon after we were finished with the current ride.  I’m pretty sure she was being dead serious.  She asked me on at least three occasions if I thought it was a good idea, to which I replied, “absolutely not.”  They tried to figure out what the most minor thing they could get arrested for was, how much the fine would be and then how much 10% of the fine was so that their friends could bail them out.  So, if they got a $100.00 for disorderly conduct or a drunk in public charge, then all they would need is 10 bucks and they could get sprung out of the joint (these are obviously their fictitious numbers by the way).

They got to Tale’s and they thanked us.  I actually didn’t even want to take any sort of tip, it was a celebration but they insisted.  They promised to call later (which they did) for a ride home and when they ended up calling me they said they were at some sort of market and didn’t know where they were.  I don’t know, that part was weird but it was a great start to my night.  Keep on truckin…

MY ENCOUNTER WITH OCBEACHGIRL

I went to the other side of Fishtale’s and was sitting in the parking lot for a solid 30 seconds when a really pretty girl with red hair ran up to me and said “heyy!  These are the pedicabs that I’ve been dying to ride…I’m OCBeachGirl by the way. “  I recognized her instantly (I still haven’t quite put my finger on it yet…but I will) and I was really excited when she told me who she was.  OCBeachGirl is her twitter name and I recently thanked her for posting all of the civic and family activities in Ocean City as I thought it was really cool they were communicating with people that way.  We ended up sending up messages back and forth and realized that we were from the same area and had a ton of mutual acquaintances so it was exciting to meet her.  Six degrees

She jumped on with her boyfriend Chris (whom I also ended up knowing a lot of the same people as) and we headed for Fager’s.  OCBeachGirl was quite the talker, I assume she is in some sort of sales and must do amazing because she is an absolutely stunning girl and is a lot of fun to be around.  Being that I had just taken three consecutive rides in a row; I was a little winded but I had to seem like a big, tough pedicab guy.  That’s how we do son!

They were having a pretty good time and had the tendency to get a little crazy and conduct some drive-by shoutings.  My favorite was passing Tommy’s on 29th where a group of teenaged girls were eating and OCBeachGirl called out “hey girls!!! Oh my God, I love your red hair!”  obviously to the ginger kid in the group.  I lost it, that was hilarious.  She asked me what was so funny (as she also had reddish hair) and I commented that, as off color as that comment could be received, it was very nice.

It got me thinking, if all the drunken idiots yelled out nice things out of car windows instead of mean things; we would be living in a pretty sweet environment.  I can see it now:  “hey!  That skirt is absolutely adorable, I hope you get many more compliments on it as you did a great job picking it out!” or “I hope you have the best night of your life, you look amazing!” or “Can I pull over and give you some money, you look phenomenal in your banana suit!”  So on and so forth.

After pretending that I had lost control of my bike and was going to hit them, I dropped OCBeachGirl and Chris off at the front entrance at Fager’s which everyone standing in line was pretty enthused with.  Again, I was having such a great time since I had met a local celebrity,  I really didn’t want to be paid but they insisted.  I thanked them and raced down to Seacret’s as my friend Val claimed she was having a panic attack and needed to be immediately rescued.  Since there is a very good chance that her and I get married one day as I love her adorable little face, I headed off as quickly as possible.

COASTALCRUZN IS THE TALK OF THE TOWN IN HANOVER, PA

It was getting to be late night and I was heading back to Seacret’s during closing time…the bus stops were insane.  I was flagged down by a really pretty girl in a black blouse.  She was running after me which was a little scary at first but she insisted on catching a ride with me back down to 31st street.  Her two friends who were equally as pretty jumped on shortly thereafter.  We rang the bell and screamed at the “bus stop people” and I gave them an Indian war cry.  If for some reason you have never seen this video, number one..shame on you and number two…immediately look at it after finishing my blog so that you understand what an Indian war cry is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn8EQ0azXpQ (because there are still some great stories to come!)

I came to find out it was the pretty tan girl in the middle’s 22nd birthday and they were all State College of Pennsylvania alumni.  I believe they said they went to Bloomsburg, Hanover and Millersville.  They also went on to tell me that they would take $1.50 rum runners at the tiki pool bar across the street from the expensive Hilton pool bar any day, that made me laugh.  They also commented that they took pictures in front of the Hilton so that they could show their friends how they were living it up down in OC…nicely done ladies.

Apparently they were infatuated with the pedicabs because they had become the “talk of the town” in Hanover, PA…you know “where all the pretzels and chips that you eat that make you fat come from” as they so eloquently put it.  They said that at least two or three groups of their friends had ventured down to Ocean City and had experienced the pedicab adventure and recommended that everyone else try it as well.  That’s fantastic news!  There’s a word-of-mouth buzz all the way in Hanover, PA; I was really thankful that they told me that.  What a great night, keep on movin’ kid!

WHEN THE MARSHALL CLAN COMES AROUND…LOOK OUT!

I caught back up with my cousins around Fishtale’s while I had my friend Val on the back of the bike.  They were all waiting at a bus stop as they explained another one of our cousins, Spencer, got into a little scuffle.  Spencer?  What the hell, he’s like the nicest kid in the world, who would want to fight him?  I pulled around to find Spencer in one of the strangest outfits I have ever witnessed.  It turns out that he was wearing my Uncle Russ’ wedding suit with goofy sneakers to boot.  I don’t even know how to explain what he was wearing.  It was an cream colored open 3 button suit that literally was probably dated circa 1972.  I asked him where he got his ridiculous seersucker suit and my friend Val told me it was not seersucker at all.  Ahhhh shut up, what do you know?

It also became abundantly evident that Spencer was not the one fighting, it was his idiot friends that were acting like complete meatheads.  One kid kept trying to pull his shirt off and the other one, I kid you not, was a 5 foot tall kid with red hair and a beard.  Apparently leprechauns had ventured to Ocean City and wanted to partake in some good ol fashioned bar fights.  Maybe he was pissed off because someone stole his lucky charms and/or pot o’ gold, there’s no telling.

I find this hilarious because it is so indicative of Spencer’s character but apparently when everyone was getting thrown out of the bar, one of the kids said to my cousin Spence: “nice suit [insert derogatory homosexual slander here].”  Spencer replied “I know, I look good.”  The battle-wounded New Yorker responded “yeah!?  Well keep walking that way you [expletive].”  Spencer responded with “oh?  Keep walking the way I was going, okay, I anticipate on tearing up the dance floor and picking up chicks now.”  Hilarious.  That is so our family.

At this point we had two sets of guys glaring at each other but no one was saying anything except for muttering and saying how badly they wanted to give each other noogies.  Come on guys, do you really think that makes you look tough?  I assure you it doesn’t, ya look like an idiot.  I gave my cousins a ride around the block and let them try riding it as well.  They commented that it sure would be fun to ride via no fares but it could get a little tricky with any sort of weight on there.  Welcome to my life brotha, I AM….the human mule.

NEW SEMI-NUDE PEDICAB DRIVERS

I picked up two younger girls and two middle aged women right around 28th street.  I don’t know if they were drunk, didn’t know where they were going or what, but they told me about six different stories about where they were going.  I went with my instinct and decided that I should drop them off at Seacret’s haha.

We talked for a while and the younger girls said that the pedicab ride was the best part of the vacation.  They also said that they didn’t get to go out much so they had to take as many pictures as possible and live it up.  When I asked them why this was, they quickly responded that they had small children at home.  Yikes!  Remind me not to have kids until I’m about…oh, say 40 or so.  I’ll say it once and I’ll say it again; love yourself, enjoy life and try to experience as much as you can because you only get one shot at this thing.  If getting married and having kids are your life goals then I’m happy for you but I happen to feel that I will be able to do that for the rest of my life; bring on the adventure!

Everyone was really, really interested in the pedicabs and asked me a TON of questions.  I didn’t mind, I really appreciated them showing an interest and was glad that I had met such nice people.  It ended up that the younger girls were with their mother and the really drunk lady on the right…I guess she was a friend?  Anyhow, the girls kept asking if I would hire them to which I responded “absolutely.”  They said that it seemed like an intense workout and didn’t know if their weight would permit them to participate.  According to them all of their weight was “down low” rather than “up top.”  Which basically meant that they had big ol booties, ones that were slightly worse than mine in their opinions.

They went on to say that they could tear my business up if they merely didn’t wear any clothes.  I’m pretty sure that’s highly illegal but I entertained the idea.  I asked them if wearing bikinis would be a great marketing strategy to which they replied “yes!  But we have great butts so we should just take the bottoms off!”  The sexual innuendo did not stop there either, their comments were like the energizer bunny…just kept going and going and going.  What sort of freaked me out is that their mom was on the cab the whole time, listening to all of the crazy things that they were saying and just laughed it all off.  If I said something like that in front of my mother I would get smacked in the mouth, but hey, different strokes for different folks.

LATE NIGHT MIDDLE FINGERS

I literally rode by these three guys walking on the side of Coastal Highway with patrons twice before my cab was free and they were able to jump on.  These guys, though out of control, were extremely amusing.  They kept jabbing each other in the side and asking “where the booze and honey’s at!?”  They asked me if I could take them to the beer store 7 (seven) times (remember that I count when drunk people start making a habit of something).  Each time I explained to them that it was 3:00 in the morning and all of the beer stores closed at 2 so they were a little out of luck.  They nodded their heads in compliance and then would repeat the same question 5 minutes later.  Yep, inebriation is rationality.

The one guy was laughing hysterically as he proceeded to yell absurd things like “get on the cab and get into my life babe-eeeee” and “you know you want it, you know you want it so just jump on this thing so we can do this girllll.”  I don’t even know what any of that meant.  They were getting a little out of hand but since they kept shoving 20′s in my pocket, hey, might as well live it up for a little.

Right around when we turned on St. Louis when they figured out that I wasn’t going to take them to a party with 20 blonde Russian chicks is when they started losing a sense of reality.  Everyone became a target of their misdirected anger….even if there wasn’t anyone standing there.  Middle fingers began flying around the back as if they were going out of style.  Alright, it’s time to get these jokers home before they decide to knock over a vending machine or steal a baby or something.  Actually, they asked me if I would wait while they broke into a trailer around 22nd street…I’m pretty sure they were dead serious.

I dropped them off and headed back for the shop but not before I was stopped by a huge party of Eastern Europeans and Nepalis.  They ran off their stoop and took pictures with me on their bikes, all sporting middle fingers for some reason.  I have no idea why young people do that, I will never understand and I do not care to.  I just won’t engage in the same behavior and as always, try to lead by example.

MOVING FORWARD

As always, thank you for your undying support of my blog and all of the positive feedback that I have been receiving.  Apparently even other generations are enjoying this thing as well.  JB, thanks for the positive comments to the old man; I really appreciated it!  This week is the White Marlin Open so it should be an out of control time.  I’ll let you guys know how it all shakes out.  Please friend us on FaceBook: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/coastalcruzn?ref=ts&__a=1 or http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=38000607&ref=name.  Also, check us out on twitter.com/coastalcruzn.  We would love to help you in any way that we can!  Until tomorrow, all is well that ends well!

Keep smiling,

Brooks

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Last night might have taken the cake as my strangest slash most frightening night of the summer.  Seriously.  The first story alone should blow you away; I’m pretty sure that I’m going to have nightmares for the rest of my life.  Still, life has been absolutely fantastic lately and I’m excited to see what the rest of the weekend brings.  Welp, enjoy.

GRUMPI

So there is this odd jobs man that lives upstairs above my shop named Grumpi.  As always, I wish I was making this up.  His big payday is in the beginning of the summer when he sells about one hundred bicycles to the Eastern Europeans for 30 bucks a pop.  If they bring the bike back they receive 18 dollars back.  I still haven’t completely wrapped my head around this concept; why are they getting more than half of their money back if they bring the bike back in one piece?  Exactly…now you have a minimal understanding of the mindset here.

So anyhow, Grumpi has really saved my ass though because I was not technically inclined with bicycles (let alone pedicabs) at ALL before the summer.  I work with him regularly to make sure that the bikes are maintained properly and pay him in pocket change, Pepsi’s and turkey sandwiches…I’m not even kidding.  So anyhow, I tell ol Grumpi that we need a major pedicab overhaul and I’m going to reward him handsomely.

I go on to tell him that because of all of his hard work and saving me a nervous breakdown this summer that I was going to throw a raging party at the end.  He laughs and says “oh yeah, eryone always tellin me somein like that.”  Now, before I get into the part that goes absolutely bizerk, please understand something.  Since the day I have met him, Grumpi has been adamant that he has never drank, never done drugs or anything detrimental to his health besides smoking (which makes him cool as a cucumber).

Also know that Grumpi is about 6’2, weighs about 120 pounds, has long stringy hair, patches of long facial hair, a face worn from years of abuse and approximately 5 or 6 black teeth which have now all melded together.  He wears a stocking cap and an assortment of filthy t-shirts, jeans and is covered with bike grease from head to toe.

But, amidst his startling appearance, he is actually a heck of a guy and has told me on numerous occasions that he seen alcohol and drugs screw up so many of his friends and family members that he has always vowed that he would never engage in that behavior.  We’ve actually grown to be friends; he always makes fun of me for being a pretty boy and I was ask if I can get him a 6′er (six-pack of beer) when I go get him lunch from one of the local places.  We both laugh and have enjoyed each other’s company and I honestly have a lot of respect and admiration for him for working as hard as he does despite his living conditions and all of the scummy people that downtown OC has to offer.

Now, back to my conversation with Grumpi, after telling him that I was going to throw him a bash this summer, I also threw in non-chillantly that we would “have all the beer you could drink and drugs you can smoke.”  I had noticed that he wasn’t being his usual self as I conversed with him a couple of times before I took the pedicab out but something went off in his head.  It was scary.  It seemed like decades of unmanaged, irrational anger exploded from his slender frame.

His eyes got as big as his head and he screamed “don’t you ever accuse me of that!!  DON’T YOU EVER!!”  He then proceeded to pick up a plastic folding chair and throw it directly at my head.  Luckily our shop door was in front of me and the chair hit the door rather than my face…that literally could have been all she wrote for me.

I extended my arms up and out and said “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!  Calm down buddy, I didn’t mean you, you know that I know you don’t do that stuff.   I respect you for it, don’t get upset, you’re my man.”

The look of hurt and pain in his eyes was very, very real as he charged after me and kept exclaiming “don’t you EVER say something like that, you don’t know anything!  Don’t you EVER accuse me of that [expletive]!  [expletive] God [expletive] [expletive] chicken [expletive] [expletive] mother [expletive].”

Yeah, granted, the guy has mental problems but I felt so bad for hurting someone (whether it be intentional or not) that had done so much for me.  It was one of the more frightening experiences of my life but my partner Saurabh laughed out loud when he got a text message from me: “Grumpi just flipped his lid and threw a chair at me.  Call me for details” as he thought I was kidding.  Kind of sounds like something that would appear on textsfromlastnight.com.

Man, I was really upset and did not feel like doing anything but I decided that I needed to suck it up and go out there and make some tales.  Luckily for you, I decided to do just that!

THE JUNKYARD LADY

This may sound completely made up if I didn’t receive 2 (TWO) phone calls from an insane woman that both Keebs Ward and my neighbors Jenny and Taylor didn’t witness it.  I don’t know how she got my number, why she called me, what she wanted or anything.  JUST LISTEN!  A woman called my cell phone claiming that my friend “Mark” had given her my phone number and she remembered me being “the cute one.”  That doesn’t even make sense, did you meet me or not ya crazy person?  She asked me if I was from Beltsville, MD and I replied that I was from Silver Spring which was about ten minutes from there.  She then replied “oh yeah!  That’s where I met you…at the junkyard!”

AT THE JUNKYARD?!?  WHAT THE HELL??

I said that was literally impossible and that perhaps she had encountered me in Ocean City.  She exclaimed “yessss!!” and then proceeded to tell me that she was drunk (oh really? I had no idea from the nonsensical statements you were making and the slurring of your words).  At this point Jenny and Taylor were both bug-eyed wondering what the hell was going on.  I smirked and decided to spice things up.  “Say, if you’re down here, why don’t you swing by and come to my place at 1** Trimper Ave (the girls house, not mine), right next to the convention center.”

Jenny and Taylor both sat up and whispered in their angry voices “no way!! what are you doing you [expletive], this is so not funny!”  Hey…I thought it was.  She slurred something to the extent “okkayyy I be right overrr.”  The girls, whom I both adore (though Jenny and I have a six year age gap and Taylor is small), did not think my little trick was funny and crossed their arms like little poopy pants jerks.  Just joking, they didn’t really but they weren’t happy that I had just invited some weird, drunk lady over to their house.

She then proceeded to call me back when Keebs and I were shooting the crap outside of Seacret’s and informed me that she had been thrown off of the bus on her way over to “my house” for being drunk and disorderly.  Classy.  I’m pretty sure we were a match made in Heaven, I love her.

SEXUAL HARASSMENT…ON THE FLIP-SIDE

Keebs and I were giving each other noogies and purple nurples when seemingly 10 really good looking girls in sundresses walked out of Seacret’s.  God I hate my job.  I gave him the look, we were on the move.  We circled around on Coastal Highway to find them waiting at the bus stop.  I asked them if they wanted a free ride to their destination.  They exclaimed “YES!  But there’s seven of us.”

“No problem,” I replied.  “That’s why I bring reinforcements” as Keebs pulled up the rear behind me and I proceeded to flex my arms.  Obviously a blatant double entrendre.  They laughed out loud as they entered our bikes…I cried inside because of the cheeseball move I just pulled.  “You’re better than that kid,” I thought to myself.  Oh well, they loved it…on with the show!

These particular beauties were from Pittsburgh and asked me a ton of questions which I was quick to answer.  One girl spoke up and said “man!  Morgan is drunk tonight!”  I asked her who Morgan was and she emphatically answered “me!”  I said “let me get this straight, you are Morgan and you just referred to yourself in the third person?”  She quickly responded “yes, aren’t I awesome?”  Ma’am, you are a damn fine American and I hope to find you again this weekend.

They told me about their current adventures in Ocean City but kept getting interrupted by all of the idiots driving by and screaming out their windows.  They asked me if that was a regular occurrence and I laughed out loud.  “Are you kidding?  I get that nonstop all day, everyday.”  They asked what some of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard were…great question!  Without any further ado, here is my top 5 (which, by the way, always result in hysterical laughter on behalf of the yelling party):

5. Your job sucks! (usually yelled by larger individuals….hm, no comment)

4. Hey, can you drive me back to Baltimore?

3. Dude, go faster or is your motor broken?

2. Nice bike mother [expletive]!

And, of course, without a doubt the dumbest thing that I hear on an ongoing basis:

1. Hey, can I get a ride?  (while in a moving car)

They went on to say that they had been sexually harassed and people screamed out of their windows at them incessantly.  I replied that it was a widespread epidemic because even the guys were starting to tell me how hot my butt was…it made me uncomfortable to say the least.  I went on to propose how funny it would be if girls began sexually harassing guys while walking down the street.

Oh boy, I really did it this time.  They thought that was hysterical and proceeded to yell creepy things at every guy that they saw.  I’m not going to repeat some of the things that they said but my God we got a good laugh out of it.  I have to side with women on this one.  Guys say the most rude, disrespectful, aggressive things to women constantly and they have to take the brunt from just about every walk of life.  So, the next time you visit your nearest watering hole and you can’t figure out why a girl won’t tell you her name or let you buy her a drink; you can thank all of your drunken cohorts around you.  Just a thought.

SPACE INVADERS

I got flagged down outside of the Paddock (which always seems to host an abundance of creatures) by three girls (who were all really pretty but were covered in tattoos from head to toe).  I came to find out that they were strippers and hailed from the Planet Pennsylvania.  They were unreal, you have noooo idea.  Cleavage, fake fingernails and hair extensions flapped in the wind without a care in the world.  One girl stood up while on the back of the cab and mooned everyone waiting for pizza outside of Tugo’s.  Oh my God.

The one that seemed the most normal was smacking my butt and grabbing me around my waist the most.  She was really nice, just extremely creepy.  They kept asking each other if they had any “ones” laying around…oh boy! Here comes my big payday!!  They hooted and hollered the entire way back to their motel and screamed at just about every person in sight…I have to say, they were fun at least.

Then all of the sudden two of the three got on the phone with their “boyfriends” and got into stupid arguments about absolutely nothing.  I see this every single night and it just boggles my mind.  I see, on average, about 5-10 couples break up a night, stomp off and/or scream at each other in the middle of the street.  Drinking is bottled rationality if you ask me.

I got them to their motel and they tried to hand me a couple of decrepit one dollar bills but I said they could just leave them on the seat.  This may sound like I have an elitist attitude and money is typically money, but I am not touching that, I don’t know where that has been.  Luckily I had rag underneath my seat to keep the bike clean and a plastic bag from my sandwich aka dinner.  I threw the dollar bills in there and they are still residing there to this moment.  Maybe I’ll hang the famed bills on the wall of the shop or sell them on ebay.  I don’t know, I just don’t really want to touch them at this point.

FLASHING, FLASHING, FLASHING LIGHTS LIGHTS

I met two girls outside of the paddock and they were on their way back to their car.  I wasn’t worried about getting paid so I volunteered to take them there free of charge.  We talked for a little and it ended up that they were locals (just like me!) and were the most amazing photographers ever.  Normally I would throw in some shameless promotion right about here but they didn’t trade information with me so unfortunately, that will not work out.

They told me that the personalities that people have on the bike taxis were very similar to that of “scopers.”  For those of you that don’t know, scopers are guys and girls that run around the beach in tiny little bathing suits and take pictures of your friends and family and put them in “telescope keychains” for you.  They work a hell of a lot harder than me in my opinion, I don’t know how they do that.  I said that we were very similar except that my guys did not have the tendency to go home and party with 18 year old girls at night.

They laughed and appreciated my honesty because my guys are well-behaved, while, the other group aforementioned does not have the most stellar reputation.  My neighbor Sara swears that MTV wanted to do a “true life” show about “the scoper lifestyle” but the management shot it down.  I believe her but I have literally heard that rumor every single summer along with “Seacret’s was sold for 50 million dollars and won’t be back next year” and “Ocean City eroded away while you were sleeping last night.”

So anyhow, being that they were photographers, we decided to do a mini photo-shoot on the bikes and had a great time doing so.  I have so many “blue steel” pose (from Zoolander) it was ridiculous.  I must have looked beautiful.  We had a great time and I look forward to posting the pictures up here when I hear back from them.  You guys might not see me anymore as Calvin Kline, Huge Boss, Ralph Lauren and all of the other big companies will immediately want exclusive modeling rights to me.  I’ll keep you guys posted.

THE FREAKEND

Well, I have written a short novel and unfortunately I was not able to fit in everything that I wanted to.  Oh well, maybe on a slow day I can write about some more crazy stuff….if that ever happens again.  Nicki Shrec, James Walls, Rachel Mossman, Diane Moss, Nick Peel, Tracey Lloyd, Justin Pirotte, Kyle Thompson, Dan Pettit, Evan Hoffman and all of the others that have left some love on FaceBook; I thank you.  Lauren Dietz, Jenny Zemel, Ralph and all of the other dingleberries waiting around to write something positive back….GET ON IT!

I would also like to mention that I unofficially asked for my friend Christa’s hand in marriage via text messaging. Oddly enough she has yet to reply back. Oh well, I’ll let you guys know later if she accepts as I love her adorable little face. Check us out at twitter.com/coastalcruzn and make sure that you join our fan page on the beloved book of faces.  Until next time buoys and gulls, all is well that ends well.

Don’t ever be afraid to smile,

Brooks

Another beautiful day, sending out promos and enjoying some fun in the sun! Also, writing a script for what could very well be the best short film you have ever seen. Stay tuned…

Thank you to everyone showing love on the book of faces, you guys rock! Back in OC, the cell is finally fully operational. Final Score: Verizon-4, Brooks-0.

To Sarah Engel and the rest of my neighbors: thank you for assimilating to the rest of society and deciding to read my ridiculous stories though I tell you them all the time (whether you pay attention or not is a completely different story). Thank you to Diane Moss as well, I really appreciated your kind comments, I’ll make sure to keep cranking them out!

Be back later today or tomorrow, get here already you damn phone! By the way, Seacret’s bay water, I’m coming by when I get back and punching you in the face for the destruction you have caused. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Greengene’s tonight….if you’re in Ocean City, be there or be square. Get on it folks!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

BEFORE PEDICABBING

Alright, what a ridiculously awesome life I’m living right now.  Seriously.  I intended on getting some miscellaneous things done for CoastalCruZn and do some writing for MortgageMod101 but life is what happens when you’re making other plans.  I had some out-of-town friends come to OC and I decided last minute that jumping on a pontoon boat with everyone during the day was a great idea.  As usual, it was.

My buddy Dan Kelly (aka the Ginger kid) and my friend Caitlin (whom I grew up with) were in town so I was really happy to see them.  The picture you see is with Caitlin and I with our new friend Jill on the right.  If you’re reading this Jill, sorry about the lack of love (she looks so lonely haha); I’ll get ya back next time!  Additionally, I’ll ask Caitlin to refrain from posting my “On a Boat” music video on FaceBook as it quite possibly could be the most caucasian thing you have ever seen.  My music video also resulted in intentionally going overboard.  Spontaneity at its finest.

My friend Jess “supposedly” texted me to come up to Harpoon Hannah’s.  I don’t know if I buy it, she’s in a bit of hot water with me.  Another sketchy chick in OC….juuuust kidding Jess.

MY BUDDY FROM OHIO

One of my first rides was a kid from Ohio who was walking around Seacret’s by himself.  He wanted to go all the way down to 17th street, I figured, ah…what the hell.  He was having a great time but I realized I had left my water at home…the banana was starting to get dehydrated.  I asked him if he would mind hanging out for a second at the house while I snagged it; he said he surely wouldn’t.

Upon walking into the house, there was a pretty good gathering transpiring.  It ended up that my roommate Liam’s cousin was good friends with a buddy of mine, JD Wood.  I hadn’t seen JD since our college years (we had mutual friends that went to Salisbury and the University of Delaware respectively) so it was crazy that he was hanging out at my house.  There we go again, six degrees of separation.

Another roommate of mine, Swinburn, invited a few girls from Albright University over.  They were a lot of fun and were down to celebrate the one girl Samantha’s birthday.  By the way, Sam, if you’re reading this then I hope you had the best birthday ever.  Everyone was getting ready to leave so I offered the girls a ride to Fishtale’s along with my newfound buddy from Ohio (whom everyone thought was my friend from home).

We loaded up and headed down to Tales and they all had a really good time.  Now mind you, I’m wearing a banana costume at this point and it’s a Saturday night.  Also know that I get invited into people’s houses, bars, etc. all the time.  But, I was having a really good time and decided that I was going to stop into the bar real fast to see if I could talk to my buddy JD (another JD) as I heard that the owners of Tales were interested in advertising with us.

Great decision.  I saw a ton of people that I knew, got a chance to talk to JD and had a great time overall .  People loved that I was dressed up as a banana by the way.  I had to get back out there to make some money (though my body felt like it was going to fall apart as it was now my fourth straight day of riding) so I headed off and promised to come back and get them at 2.

FIIIIIIIIGGHHTTTTT!!

I was at Seacret’s for the most part picking people up; it was a friggin madhouse.  There were people everywhere.  I happened to notice some sort of altercation in the parking lot right next to Dumser’s and pulled up to see what the heck was going on.  There were some drunk girls in stilettos arguing about whether it was pronounced “Dun-DALK” or “Dun-DAK” but people kept pushing them apart and all the other patrons leaving just wandered past them.

Out of nowhere all hell breaks loose.  One guy in a striped polo shirt (who coincidentally had a chinstrap and diamond earrings as well) was separating the girls from each other.  However, one swung over and smacked the girl that he was representing… right in the kisser.  Oh boy.  If you remember, I think violence against women is cowardly and disgusting so what I was about to witness still turns my stomach thinking about it.

The guy shoved the “smacking” girl to the ground and it became a full-on mosh pit.  Fists, teeth and fake fingernails whirled about in a nonsensical manner.  I’m pretty sure I saw a llama somewhere in the mix.  Okay, that’s not true.  But it literally became a full-on brawl for a solid 30 seconds.  There had to have been 20 people involved; it was nuts.

Don’t worry, the orange idiots came to the rescue.  They tackled people and held polo boy against the wooden face next to Dumser’s.  There were still people hitting the deck left and right; maybe there was a sniper hiding up in a tree.  Quite a disturbing sight overall.

If you’ve ever seen Mean Girls (which, by the way, Tina Fey did an extremely good job writing), you will recall the many instances throughout the movie where the students start acting like animals in the jungle.  It was the exact same situation.  People come out of the woodwork to egg the fighters on, hoot and holler like there is no tomorrow.  It’s a pretty sad sight to see but for some reason you just have to keep looking!

I hope I don’t have to witness something like that again, it made me feel pretty crappy afterward that I didn’t do something to help.  I’m being serious when I say this, there’s a very good possibility that if I had jumped in the middle of that; they might have all turned and mutually decide to beat the crap out of the banana (at least they would stop fighting each other).  OR, I guess they might have realized how absurd the whole situation was and realized that fighting was just as silly as a guy wearing a banana suit.  Yeah, you’re right, I probably would have gotten my butt kicked.

McDONALD’S: ROUND TWO

Sure enough, I picked the girls up that I took to Fishtale’s earlier in the night and they decided that they wanted to go to McDonald’s drive thru.  Oh boy, here we go.  I have to imagine that the same manager who had given me all of the crap a few nights earlier thought that my banana outfit was so damn silly that he wasn’t going to get mad about it.  I pulled around and talked to him extremely rationally.

“What up boy!?  What’s a banana gotta do to get some chicken McNuggies around this piece?”

The manager laughed out loud and explained that we had to come inside.  He actually liked the idea of the bike taxi utilizing the drive-thru window but it was a safety issue.  I asked him if he would reconsider if I beat him in best of 3 Rock, Paper, Scissors game.  He reached through the window and punched me in the eye.  You’re right, that didn’t happen.

You see, he wasn’t such a bad guy after all.  Don’t get me wrong, we’re still going to get our way and be able to go through the drive-thru window but it was really great to see that the manager was a good guy and he could have a chuckle every now and then…even if it was at my expense.

VLADAMIR

I dropped the girls back off at their hotel and talked to one of them, Chelsie, for a while about their episode the night before.  Chels is an absolute sweetheart so when she told me that she got into a shouting match with the night hotel employee and was screaming in his face; I didn’t know what to make of it.  Apparently she had named the hotel employee Vladamir (I came to find out his name was Dina) and told everyone around the hotel that it was his real name.

Poor Vlad.  The night before the girls were swimming in the hotel pool when they clearly should not have been. Vlad stormed out and pointed strongly at a sign that stated that they weren’t supposed to be swimming at night (rule number 6) and then proceeded to ask Chels what the rule said.  This girl was pretty clever and would respond every time with: “I know Vlad, you have to wear a swim cap in the pool!  Well, do you have any rentals because I forgot to bring mine this particular va-cay.”  Poor, poor Vlad.  He was not able to decipher that she was just giving him a hard time and he shook his head in frustration. “Stupid Americans,” he must have thought.

I thought this was hilarious so Chels and I conjured up a plan that I would go in tell him I was staying at the hotel this coming week and that I needed to know where to get a swim cap.  Man, this poor guy.

He kept thinking that I was trying to make a reservation and had no idea what I was talking about.  I felt bad after a while and came to find out more about him as he seemed to be nearing his breaking point. He told me his name was Dina, went on about his coming to America and how he wanted to go back to Moscow, Russia.  I told him that life is all about your attitude and that he had to make the best of the situation if he wanted to be happy.  He understood, beamed a smile and shook my hand.  That felt good.

SUNRISE

I really enjoyed the company of these girls so when business died down, I decided to take them on another tour and they had the time of their lives.  At this point it’s already 4 in the morning so I figured I might as well be a crazy maniac and jump in the ocean.  I mean, duh, what rational minded person wouldn’t?

It was cold, really cold.  But man was it fun.  Oh, by the way, obviously we had clothes on ya pervs so take it easy over there.  It was awesome hanging out so we sat up at the beach and talked for a long time.  They were cool and really down to Earth.  Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoyed meeting them.  We decided that since it was so late, we might as well just stay up for another hour and watch the sun rise.

Awesome decision.  It was gorgeous.  Usually I sleep in until 10 or so because I get back at 4 from pedicabbing so I hadn’t seen the sun rise over the ocean all summer.  I was in an even better mood than usual and had a bit of an epiphany.

How awesome was this?  What would have happened if I had just done what was easy in my opinion and worked for someone else in the mortgage industry?  Would I be watching the sun rise and doing whatever the heck I wanted, whenever I wanted?  What if I had gotten engaged like so many other people right after college and was completely committed to someone for the rest of my life?  Would I be still be embracing an inspired, passionate lifestyle?  Maybe, maybe not.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with working a traditional job, being married or anything to that extent; I just don’t think I would have the same opportunity as I have right now.  In my opinion, it’s okay to be a little selfish when you’re younger to experience as much as possible and learn to love yourself before you can really give yourself to anyone else.  Yep, there’s that mushy crap again.  Sorry about that folks, but not everything can be a joke.

UNTIL WEDNESDAY

Welp guys, that is the conclusion of my weekend.  I need to head back to the DC area and get a ton of work done so I hope you can remain patient until I can write memoirs on Wednesday.  By the way, if you enjoy reading this at all (there might be one or two out there), would ya mind re-posting this (as I think anyone with a sense of humor should get a kick out of my stories)?

Hopefully get in touch with you boys and girls via Fbook and Twitter as well.  Give me a shout if there’s ever anything that I can do for you!  All is well that ends well.

To your success,

Brooks

Friday, July 24, 2009

Wow, where do I start with this one?  Friday night was Awesome with a capital A.  Whenever I get discouraged or upset, a night like this turns my mood around in an instant.  I had an awesome time!  Oh, by the way, I’m hearing from some of the readers that they don’t think that all of what I tell you about could possibly happen in one night.  Ha, my email address is reservations@coastalcruzn.com and my direct line is 301.512.7391, you are welcome to take a test run and see what happens any time your little heart desires.  Anyhow, wish you could have been here tonight….guess I’ll tell you about it instead.

SOME $ILVER $PRING FRIENDS

I coerced two girls and a guy to hop on and take a ride outside of Seacret’s.  They were extremely positive from to get-go.  I love listening to people talk about how much they are enjoying the ride, it makes me feel great that people appreciate the service that I brought to Ocean City.  They were friendly and I asked them to tell me a story that would be “blog-worthy.”  The one girl decided to tell me about “one time at band camp.”  Let’s just say that she got to know her instructor really well…ask me about it sometime, you’ll be sure to get a chuckle.

They asked me a lot of questions and it ended up that they were also from around the DC area.  Actually, the guy Mike and I had a ton of mutual acquiantances, six degrees of separation at its finest!  They were really appreciative for the ride so I made sure to throw in some last second tricks and took them around the block once or twice for an added effect.  Mike emptied out his wallet and gave me the contents inside he has such a good time…literally.

Why did he do that?  It’s not difficult to figure out, I have known this since the day I ventured into the service industry.  Your main objective is to entertain children and the wife (or girlfriend in this case).  You make the kids happy, they don’t complain and run around like little monsters so mom and dad are happy.  You make the wife happy then she will be more prone to making dad happy later on (oh come on, get your mind out of the gutter).  You make dad happy, he tips the crap out of you.  Trust me, it’s science.

THE CREEPY DOCTORS

I picked up two med students that were currently studying for their boards outside of Seacret’s.  They wanted to go to Fenwick Island which is literally about 8 miles away…that would be ludicrous.  I told them that I would take them as far as I could and they were alright by that.  This is a very basic management concept.  You see, I established expectations up-front and made sure that we were all on the same page so there were no unpleasant surprises.  That’s how you get paid.

The one guy was enamored with my bike and thought it was so cool that I wasn’t slowing down at all…I mean, that is my job but whatev.  He probably asked me about 1.3 million times if he could drive the pedicab.  I explained to him that you could literally get a DUI on the bike and that it wouldn’t be a good idea.  He shook his head and said that he understood…haha literally about 1.3 million times.

The other med student was an older woman who whispered in the younger guy’s ear that I had a bottom as cute as a button.  I heard it and chose to keep riding but the other passenger decided that he not only needed to repeat what she said, but also at a decibel level that could warrant us a noise violation from the OCPD.

“What do you meann he’s got a greatt buttt??  Why don’t youu jusss grab it then.  Don’t talkk about itt, be abouuu itt!”

Welp, I’m officially creeped out.  I decided to drop them off somewhere around 70th street…hey, halfway to their final destination; not bad!  They tipped the crap out of me as well, I like those doctors; they were rather swell (no rhyme intended).

THE TOUGHEST GUY IN THE WORLD

The next story sort of boils my blood but I think it’s one that people need to be reminded of.  I approached these two girls somewhere around 20th street and upon my friendly greeting, they didn’t respond.  I looked to see a little bleach blonde girl looking very distraught with tears rolling down her face.  I told both of them to get in my cab, I wanted them to get home safely and I wasn’t worried about getting paid.  They were going to 120th but I told them I would take them to the Route 90 bridge, they immediately jumped on.

The two girls told me that they were taking summer courses at Penn State but were down for the weekend.  They went to the Paddock on 17th and were having a great time until the cute little blonde one’s boyfriend starting getting out of control and got thrown out for some reason or another.  She came outside of the Paddock to comfort him and was immediately screamed at.   The guy then actually had the audacity, the nerve to put his hands around her neck as if to choke her.  Wow, THAT made me angry.

I quietly listened and pondered in my head, what on Earth would ever possess a man to do that?  Anyone with an ounce of integrity would think of any woman as someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s wife and as the mother of children one day.  Without getting biblical, just being able to recognize other people’s rights and being able to treat them as you would want to be treated.  What a coward.

We continued down well past the bridge and the girls told me that they were good to go from there.  I said to the girl before she left:

“Look, you’re going to hear what I am about to tell you but I don’t think you’re going to listen.  I would love for you to prove me wrong.  Here it is in a nutshell; if you stay with this jackass past tonight just because it is comfortable or because you “love him” then you are a fool.  I’m sorry, I don’t even know you but I need to be a little harsh.  NO ONE who could possibly care about you would ever treat you like that under any circumstances.  Again, I know you’re going to hear this from your friends over and over again but get out of this rut and get it together, you can do it.  I’m glad you’re safe, make the right decision for your long-term well-being and just be happy.”

She started crying again, but, it was out of happiness.  Her friend even started crying and they thanked me.  I hope I positively impacted them and that girl learns to love and respect herself just a little bit more.  Alright, enough of all of this mushy, dramatic stuff…onward with the laughs and life lessons.

QUEENS COMES TO VISIT AND LEAVES HUMBLER

I saw two really pretty girls in cute sundresses outside of Macky’s (yikes, did I really just say that?) and forced them to get in my cab.  They were New Yorkers true and through and were absolutely trashing Ocean City.  “This place sucks my butt,” “why do the “bahs” close at 2?” so on and so forth.  Ah well, I quickly figured out that they were from NYC and they told me their life stories.

Apparently both of them were 20 and tried to get into Seacret’s at night with fake ID’s.  Anyone who has ever been to Ocean City should be laughing out loud.  Unless you’re coming in on a boat, this feat is nearly impossible.  Anyhow, so the one girl gets the cops called on her, gets thrown in cuffs and is sentenced to 8 hours of community service on the spot.  No lie, this is exactly what she told me.

So, their friends (being the great people that they are) decide to go into Seacret’s without them.  Haha that was really nice of them.  They were aimlessly walking around and were very gracious that I came and picked them up.  Actually, they did not want to get off under any circumstances and wanted to pay me a dollar a minute.  That’s fine by me.

They lightened up a little after a while and any sort of perceived initial snobiness vanished over the course of the ride.  For example, they were really puzzled why I rang my bell, said hello to everyone and tried to strike up conversations with every person I saw on the sidewalk.  Well: 1. that’s how I get business, 2. it’s fun to talk to people and 3. it feels good to smile and be nice to people (you never know how positively you could be impacting someone’s day).

By the end of the trip they were saying hello to everyone, smiling and giving all of the people beauty queen waves.  Ah karma, I friggin love you.

SOTO AND THE TANDEM BIKE

I saw an old friend of mine, Jess Soto, who bartends at Seacret’s.  Jess was good friends with one of my old roommates, Mary.  Let me tell you something about Mary that I may have never told her before.

Before I knew Mary, I was scared to death of her.  Mary can burn holes through your head with the way she can stare at you.  When I first met her (through my friend Cassie), I was frightened and thought that she might say “oh, nice to meet you” and then proceed to knock my block off with a mean uppercut.  It ends up that Mary and I get along extremely well and we’ve been great friends ever since despite the fact that she can strike the fear of God into me at a moment’s notice.

Soto was with two other guys, one of which was another Seacret’s bartender.  His name escapes me at the moment but he told me that his tandem bicycle was the greatest thing since sliced bread.  His friend chimed in that they’ve been picking up babes all day, everyday this summer on it.  Soto and the other guy immediately turned to him and said “no we haven’t you idiot and you just got down here yesterday and are leaving tomorrow.”

It was cool seeing Soto, it’s been a few summers now but it’s fantastic when paths cross later down the line.  Life is one wild and crazy journey I tell ya!

LATE NIGHT EATERS

ickeyD’s makes the blog again!  I was on my way back to the shop when I found a large group of kids essentially eating some McDonald’s in the middle of the road.  When they saw my pedicab…oh gosh, they went nuts (pardon the pun as a majority of them were eating ice cream sundaes).

Six of them climbed on (five girls and one lucky guy).   They took pictures, they were all laughing and the girls were feeding me ice cream and french fries like it was their job.  It was one girl’s birthday and she screamed with excitement, they were having a blast.

The one that was feeding me ice cream the most kept smacking my butt and telling me to “giddy up.”  She liked that I was playing along so she decided that we were going to get married later in life…I guess I don’t really get a say in it.  We went around the block three times, I was tired and damn they were heavy! None of them were big but when there’s six of them…that adds up quickly.

They got off the cab still smiling and giggling and stuffed one dollars bills in every pocket I had as if I were a chippendale dancer.  The girl who was turning 21 thanked me over and over again and said that the ride made her birthday memorable.  That was nice of her.  See what I mean?  That’s why I pedicab, what a great feeling.

COMPETITION….AND HOW IT CAN SUCK

I believe in competition, I think it’s great.  Competition fosters better quality products and lower prices, there is no doubt about it.  I have a direct competitor in town (who is local) who apparently loves to rub not only my company, but also my personal name in the dirt.  Well, shortly after the late night eaters had departed my bike, guess who flags me down on 28th street on my way back down to the shop?  You got it, the owner of the other company.

It’s a long story but essentially in the beginning of the summer we started off with a proposed merger but I quickly realized that I didn’t really need the help of anyone else in town (besides my business partner Saurabh)  and wanted to maintain respective companies.  I guess he didn’t like that he couldn’t take advantage of using my employees, forms, pedicabs or insurance coverage amongst other things.

Anyhow, I’ve been adamant about the fact that I don’t anticipate on pedicabbing for the rest of my life and I really want to focus on the consulting, speaking and writing aspects of my career.  I’ve told the other owner this a number of times but I don’t think he believes me…oh well, his loss.

I asked him to be straight with me as both a professional and a friend as I have been hearing him say a lot of negative things through the grapevine about my company and the fact that I was an “out-of-towner.”  He laughed it off and said that everything was cool and that he was glad that we were doing well.  He then went on to explain that NO ONE was going to compete against him next summer and that he was going to do this, do that, yadda yadda yadda.  I’ve been hearing this sort of thing all summer.

It reminded me of this “game” that the Dale Carnegie School of Thought calls “topper.”  Essentially, “topper” is when someone listens to what you have to say and has to come back over the top with something better or explain to you why what they have or do is better.  I’m sure you know someone that does this all of the time.

I think the best thing you can do is stroke their ego and congratulate them on all of their success.  You’ll never win and there’s not much point in trying.  Oh well.

Like I said, friendly competition is great for business.  It isn’t easy and it isn’t always fun but it helps you continuously get better.  Rubbing someone’s name through the dirt on a personal and professional level is unnecessary though.  Lying about it when someone politely inquires in a non-presumptuous way is even more annoying; but you know what?  That’s life and you just have to rise about it and lead by example.

ONWARD HO!

Great night, should be a really great weekend overall.  Big ups to Nick Peel and all of my friends who read and support me; you guys are what keep me going.  Leave some love here, on FaceBook or Twitter; I will gladly return the favor.  Until tomorrow, all is well that ends well.

To your success,

Brooks

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Not quite as late as usual but a 3:36 AM arrival time at home.  Part of that is my fault since I stopped into Tony’s and got a couple of slices afterwards.  So…pretty much the grease and unneeded calories that I just put into my body just completely demolished my workout.  What the hell am I talking about?  I’ve lost 12 pounds this summer and my legs have amassed muscle that has led them to often be confused with California redwoods.  Okay, that last part isn’t true but you could imagine.

FASHION SENSE I DON’T HAVE

It poured at different parts of the day and just in case you’ve never ventured to downtown Ocean City, MD before….draining is pathetic.  Therefore, while riding out at 10 last night I caught myself daydreaming and envisioning myself as a seasoned Tom Sawyer.  “Huck, pick up the pace or we’ll drown in here we will!” I said to myself.  I snapped back into reality as I realized that I was drifting straight into the Route 50 bridge.  Yeesh, this kid has an imagination on him.  I rounded the corner to find two Eastern Europeans dancing and laughing in the enormous rain puddles.

Brooks: “Heyyyy, what are you crazy animals doing over there?”

Eastern Europeans: “We are going to swim…..at the beach but no[t] at the beach!”

They erupted into laughter and tiptoed past me in their one pieces and pool shoes.  I like to think that some of the Eastern European transplants are either really behind in the current fashion guidelines or that they’re trendsetters just leading by example until guys like me figure it out.  I like the second theory a whole lot more because I have a ton of respect for the overall drive and work ethic of the Eastern Europeans.  Yeah, let’s stick with the second one.

LASER PENS: DANGEROUS??

Rides were a little slow at first so I took my time roaming around Macky’s and Seacret’s.  There were two kids in a high rise that kept shining one of those laser pens in my eyes and it actually did temporarily blind me for a second.  Those little rascals!  It’s reassuring that laser pens still exist and that kids are playing with those rather than all of the other crap that they could be getting their hands on.

Hell, when I was their age I probably would have been playing with a water balloon launcher.  Of course at their altitude, if they had hit me with one of those, they probably would have knocked my ass out.  Ah yes, the mischief and wondrous imaginations of today’s youth.  By the way, it’s my goal in life to positively influence younger people to contribute to others and learn to respect themselves more.  I get pretty tired of hearing about kids in gangs, getting physically involved with the opposite sex and drinking and drugging before they’ve hit puberty.  If you’re not already a role model, start acting like one.  Give one night a week to mentor someone or get involved with some sort of civic organization rather than going out and boozing with your buddies; I guarantee it will help change your point of view and it feels good!

Wait, but we were talking about the knuckleheads shining a laser pen in my eye, weren’t we?  My, oh my, how my story has run astray.  After about the third time they shined the light in my eye and I pretended to crash, I decided it was time to get these guys in bed.  I slammed on my brakes, jumped off my bike and pretended to head for their building.  I yelled up to them: “that’s it!  I know exactly which unit you’re in and I am waking your parents up to tell them what you’re doing!”  Both kids looked at me like they had seen a ghost and ran into their place like a blur of unkept hair and dirty fingernails.  Showed those kids a thing or two…

ORANGE IDIOTS

I mentioned this in the last post and I decided this would be the perfect time to bring this story up as I love it so much.  My good friend Mike “Keebs” Ward that worked down here at Hooper’s crabhouse with me during college decided to come back down to OC in the midst of getting his second Master’s and enjoy his summer pedicabbing.  Actually, he’s in the inspiration behind the whole blog idea.  He had been keeping some notes and writing out some of his best stories in a Mead composition book, I just decided to make the whole thing manifest.  Hey, I’m an entrepreneur and an implementer, that’s what I do!

So Ward picks up these guys that are drunk as skunks on a Wednesday afternoon from Seacret’s.  Big suprise…I’ve never seen that before.  It just so happens that these dingdongs had been thrown out of the establishment for repeatedly calling the Seacret’s bouncers “orange idiots” and because they told the bouncers to “stop giving them so much sass.”  You see, the bouncers at Seacret’s all wear bright orange shirts which obviously serves as a testament to their vested power to protect the largest bar on the East Coast.  No, they don’t get appointed by the mayor or get a key to the City but they do get an orange shirt and sometimes the ability to people out of the joint.

An overwhelming majority of them are awesome; they hang out and just do their jobs.  However, you are going to encounter those dingleberries that take their job just a little too seriously and abuse the responsibility that was given to them to “protect the establishment” and/or use unnecessary force to remove people.  Buuuut, in this case, this guy was obviously being a jerk and got what he deserved for calling the bouncers “orange idiots” for doing their job.

Anyhow, I’m going to use “orange idiots” from here on out as a term of endearment for the bouncers of Seacret’s because of the couple of dummies that got removed.  Actually, we can call them OI’s for short.  The OI’s tell me pretty funny stories of people getting thrown out and can tell you the average number of pebbles in a cubic inch in the Seacret’s parking lot (amidst other useless things that they have discovered by protecting the lot).

THE ACCOUNTANTS AND THEIR EFFORTS

I didn’t have to converse with these two gentlemen leaving Macky’s for more than 10 seconds to realize that they were both CPA’s.  Pretty good dudes, they were from the DC not unlike myself so we had a good conversation about the happenings around the area.  They told me that they had taken a pedicab in Dewey and it was a ripoff and reassured me that I was the man (as long as I was able to get them to a deli).  It was the alcohol talking but it made me smile regardless.

They asked me a lot of questions ranging from business and politics to women and what my favorite color was.  Despite my fatigue at this point, I shot them a lot of short quips that made them laugh hysterically at points.  They said something to me that really stood out in my mind: “man, we really like you.  You should come work at our firm, it’s important to work with people that you enjoy.”

Allow me to tell you something; I thoroughly appreciate being my own boss, I like calling the shots and having direct control over what is going to transpire the rest of my life.  Working for someone else does not particularly interest me but you know the saying “it’s not what ya know, it’s who ya know?”  Yeah, I’m here to tell you that the saying is borderline bullcrap.  It doesn’t necessarily matter who you know, it’s whether they like you or not.  It’s whether you’re able to show an interest in what they care about.  It’s whether you are able to show mutual respect for each other.  It’s also about whether you are able to make them feel good about themselves.  You can know all of the people in the world but unless you’re a fun person to be around that brings a vibrant personality to the table, you’ll readily be passed in time.  It’s a basic principle taken from the Dale Carnegie school of thought…it isn’t rocket science.

Anyhow, these two fellows went on to evaluate how much “effort” they put into the evening.  Oh, by the way, “effort” means how much you tried to have fun and how much initiative you showed to bring chicks back to your place.  According to them, they both gave 110% while they buddy “Beefstick” (I am not even making that up by the way) put in a solid 90% and their other friend (which escapes me at the moment but encompassed equally absurd connotations) earned somewhere around 70% in their eyes.

The skinny white guy originally from Pittsburgh also informed me that he met one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen but said she was too good for him.  He also added that he spend all night going after…oh, how do I put this eloquently?  Hm…her more horizontally gifted friends that surrounded her.  I insinuated that the gorgeous one was the nucleus and that he had to split the atom in order to appease all of his friends.  We all had a good laugh but I think between my tired mind and their drunken thoughts, we really had not discovered a very rational analogy.  Oh well, onward ho!

McDONALD’S ON 30th: ROUND ONE

Alright, obviously everyone’s first question about pedicabbing would be whether you can take a pedicab with passengers to a fast food drive-thru.  OBVIOUSLY. The answer is: well, it varies.  I’ve done it before and I will do it again but I believe we have a couple of obstacles:  1. there is a sensor beneath the pavement of a drive-thru window that requires a certain weight limit in order to prompt the Customer Service Agent if they don’t already see you on camera (duh), 2.  you aren’t technically “driving,” and 3. the manager at the 32nd street McDonald’s is a jerk.

I picked up two girls that I kinda sorta knew from my alma mater, Salisbury, and we had a pretty fun time as I was driving them down.  Actually, I figured out that I was Facebook friends with one of them and she wrote on my wall while she was riding on the back of the pedicab which was pretty funny.  Anyhow, we hung out and I got them down around 30th street where they were insistent about getting some food; why not the drive-thru then!?

I pulled up to the window and because we thought there was a slight possibility that they wouldn’t serve us, we all made motor noises and “revved” the engine of the pedicab to fool the McDonald’s workers.  Well, obviously they have a camera pointed straight at us and they weren’t fooled nor amused.  We, on the other hand, were laughing hysterically.  A deep, booming voice with an accent that could easily be misconstrued for that that of a Martian’s came from the “Order Here” sign:

“Okay, you come inside now!”

The girls in the back were not happy and became rather enraged when this announcement was made.  I knew there had to be some sort of misunderstanding so I cooled them down and suggested that we pull around and straighten this whole mess out.  They definitely had a hankering for some french fries but reluctantly agreed.

I pulled around and came to a manager that was blatantly ignoring me until he saw that I was not going away.

“I tell you, you come inside.  Okay, now you get out of line,” the manager said to me.

Get out of line?  Had this guy lost his mind!?  We needed food and it had now become a quest to get it at the drive-thru.

I inquired further: “Excuse me sir, are you the manager of this fine establishment?”

He looked at me with a very stern look (like that of my father when he discovered that all of his multi-vitamins had been switched with skittles) and said “Yes, I am, now get out of line or I call the police!”

Now look, I’m not a bad guy.  I’m really not.  Yes, I have the tendency to see if I can get away with belittling people without them realizing (which I can do without cracking a smile).  BUT, this was not one of those cases.  I don’t really have a whole lot of tolerance for people in service industries or those in charge of customer service issues treating people poorly.  I get harassed and am harangued by people all day, everyday.  However tempting it may be to snap or treat someone equally as bad, I remember that I need to lead by example and bite my tongue.

I then entered into a barrage of pointed questions:

“Excuse me sir, I wasn’t trying to be rude.  I thought that since my vehicle was approved by the Town of Ocean City as being capable of being operated on the highway that I would be able to utilize your drive-thru service with paying customers.  Is there official company policy that specifically bans the use of pedicabs with your drive-thru?  If there is, my sincere apologies, I would just like to know.  But the fact of the matter is, it would be my pleasure to continually bring you business and highly recommend your establish to my seemingly ever-changing clientele.  Can you see how that would positively benefit you?”

He then exclaimed: “NO!  Get out of my line or I call de police!”

Okay, it’s true, he pissed me off at this point.  He had no form of identification on him.  No name tag, no nothing.  He was pretty rude and obviously was rather inept when dealing with consumer relations.  Which, by the way, is very ironic when you stop to think about it because that’s why he was hired in the first place.  But you know what?  I really wasn’t trying to be but I had been interpreted as a condescending jerk at this point.  I had to follow the teachings my parents in how they brought me up and make a simple concession:

I’m wrong.  I am sorry for what I have done.  I hope that in time you are able to forgive me, you don’t deserve to be treated like that.

It sure didn’t feel right at the time but I got over it feeling better about myself in the end.  That guy has to put up with so many shenanigans in a crazy little town like Ocean City and he doesn’t deserve to put up with my crap as well.  Wow, so I guess I am growing up after all.

THIS WEEKEND AND MOVING FORWARD

There were a couple more stories but they really weren’t the most positive or appropriate so why repeat them?  Oh yeah, I know what you’re thinking and the answer is yes, I’m going to hit the banana suit up again this weekend.  If you happen to be in Ocean City, please be sure to give me a shout, I think you would really enjoy being mentioned in the blog.

By the way, I changed my facebook profile picture to me wearing the banana suit outside of Macky’s.  My business partner Saurabh photoshopped “no bandanas” into “no bananas” and the aftermath was quite amusing.  If you get a chance, please check it out.

Finally, if you’re into blogging or know anything about delicious, facebook, twitter or other social networking sites; I would appreciate the shout-out as I would be more than happy to get the word out about what you do as well.  All is well that ends well.

To your success,

Brooks