Unfortunately Friday was a torrential downpour and we were not able to operate so all of the drivers went out and had some fun instead. I had another encounter with Grumpi in the middle of the street as I tried to talk some sense into him. According to the Grumpster, I called him a “crackhead” and that is the worst kind of insult so he is “done wif me dude.” Oh well, I had some of my cousins in town (my mom is one of 15 so there’s usually some family members in town) and we decided to hit up the good ol Sandbar. We didn’t do any karaoke (what a bunch of susie birds) but played pool in borderline the most uncomfortable situation ever. There clearly was not ample room and the abundance of mullet sporting patrons were certainly not moving to accommodate us. Oh well, on with Saturday night!
AN OLD FRIEND BRINGS A BACHELORETTE PARTY
I had given a few rides and was kicking it outside of Seacret’s when I heard a girl exclaimed “BANANA MAN!” I looked around in a bewildered fashion, wait….were they talking to me? I was startled to find my small friend Raven from Lancaster, PA beaming a huge, cute smile at me. I had met Raven and her friend Stefanie a few weeks earlier outside of Pickles at closing time as they were headed toward the beach. I asked them where they were going and they replied they were going to hang out on the boardwalk. The boardwalk? What the hell? Are you 15 years old? They told me that they didn’t know any better so I suggested that they take a midnight stroll on my pedicab instead, we had a great time!
So, flash forward to last night and here I have the same adorable girl sitting there smiling with about 5 of her friends and guess where they wanted to go? THE BOARDWALK! Now mind you, everyone had all sorts of crazy crap on as they were all together for a bachelorette party and now they were telling me that they wanted to venture down to the boardwalk aka “Creep City” during late night. Luckily I had another pedicab driver, Ryan, there with me and we successfully talked them out of it and said that Fishtale’s would be a much wiser choice. So, 3 girls hopped on my bike, 3 on Ryan’s and we departed!
Ryan actually has a much more extroverted personality than I do so everyone in our little excursion was having an absolute blast. Our bikes followed each other closely (actually Ryan was ducked down behind me so he could ride with much more ease in my tail wind that son of a gun) and the girls were hollering at essentially everyone on the roadway. Men, women, boys and girls, pizza delivery men and the police all got a solid yelp from the pedicabs.
The one to the far right of my cab (who was absolutely hilarious by the way) suggested that we should all get thrown in handcuffs and take a ride on the paddywagon after we were finished with the current ride. I’m pretty sure she was being dead serious. She asked me on at least three occasions if I thought it was a good idea, to which I replied, “absolutely not.” They tried to figure out what the most minor thing they could get arrested for was, how much the fine would be and then how much 10% of the fine was so that their friends could bail them out. So, if they got a $100.00 for disorderly conduct or a drunk in public charge, then all they would need is 10 bucks and they could get sprung out of the joint (these are obviously their fictitious numbers by the way).
They got to Tale’s and they thanked us. I actually didn’t even want to take any sort of tip, it was a celebration but they insisted. They promised to call later (which they did) for a ride home and when they ended up calling me they said they were at some sort of market and didn’t know where they were. I don’t know, that part was weird but it was a great start to my night. Keep on truckin…
MY ENCOUNTER WITH OCBEACHGIRL
I went to the other side of Fishtale’s and was sitting in the parking lot for a solid 30 seconds when a really pretty girl with red hair ran up to me and said “heyy! These are the pedicabs that I’ve been dying to ride…I’m OCBeachGirl by the way. “ I recognized her instantly (I still haven’t quite put my finger on it yet…but I will) and I was really excited when she told me who she was. OCBeachGirl is her twitter name and I recently thanked her for posting all of the civic and family activities in Ocean City as I thought it was really cool they were communicating with people that way. We ended up sending up messages back and forth and realized that we were from the same area and had a ton of mutual acquaintances so it was exciting to meet her. Six degrees
She jumped on with her boyfriend Chris (whom I also ended up knowing a lot of the same people as) and we headed for Fager’s. OCBeachGirl was quite the talker, I assume she is in some sort of sales and must do amazing because she is an absolutely stunning girl and is a lot of fun to be around. Being that I had just taken three consecutive rides in a row; I was a little winded but I had to seem like a big, tough pedicab guy. That’s how we do son!
They were having a pretty good time and had the tendency to get a little crazy and conduct some drive-by shoutings. My favorite was passing Tommy’s on 29th where a group of teenaged girls were eating and OCBeachGirl called out “hey girls!!! Oh my God, I love your red hair!” obviously to the ginger kid in the group. I lost it, that was hilarious. She asked me what was so funny (as she also had reddish hair) and I commented that, as off color as that comment could be received, it was very nice.
It got me thinking, if all the drunken idiots yelled out nice things out of car windows instead of mean things; we would be living in a pretty sweet environment. I can see it now: “hey! That skirt is absolutely adorable, I hope you get many more compliments on it as you did a great job picking it out!” or “I hope you have the best night of your life, you look amazing!” or “Can I pull over and give you some money, you look phenomenal in your banana suit!” So on and so forth.
After pretending that I had lost control of my bike and was going to hit them, I dropped OCBeachGirl and Chris off at the front entrance at Fager’s which everyone standing in line was pretty enthused with. Again, I was having such a great time since I had met a local celebrity, I really didn’t want to be paid but they insisted. I thanked them and raced down to Seacret’s as my friend Val claimed she was having a panic attack and needed to be immediately rescued. Since there is a very good chance that her and I get married one day as I love her adorable little face, I headed off as quickly as possible.
COASTALCRUZN IS THE TALK OF THE TOWN IN HANOVER, PA
It was getting to be late night and I was heading back to Seacret’s during closing time…the bus stops were insane. I was flagged down by a really pretty girl in a black blouse. She was running after me which was a little scary at first but she insisted on catching a ride with me back down to 31st street. Her two friends who were equally as pretty jumped on shortly thereafter. We rang the bell and screamed at the “bus stop people” and I gave them an Indian war cry. If for some reason you have never seen this video, number one..shame on you and number two…immediately look at it after finishing my blog so that you understand what an Indian war cry is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn8EQ0azXpQ (because there are still some great stories to come!)
I came to find out it was the pretty tan girl in the middle’s 22nd birthday and they were all State College of Pennsylvania alumni. I believe they said they went to Bloomsburg, Hanover and Millersville. They also went on to tell me that they would take $1.50 rum runners at the tiki pool bar across the street from the expensive Hilton pool bar any day, that made me laugh. They also commented that they took pictures in front of the Hilton so that they could show their friends how they were living it up down in OC…nicely done ladies.
Apparently they were infatuated with the pedicabs because they had become the “talk of the town” in Hanover, PA…you know “where all the pretzels and chips that you eat that make you fat come from” as they so eloquently put it. They said that at least two or three groups of their friends had ventured down to Ocean City and had experienced the pedicab adventure and recommended that everyone else try it as well. That’s fantastic news! There’s a word-of-mouth buzz all the way in Hanover, PA; I was really thankful that they told me that. What a great night, keep on movin’ kid!
WHEN THE MARSHALL CLAN COMES AROUND…LOOK OUT!
I caught back up with my cousins around Fishtale’s while I had my friend Val on the back of the bike. They were all waiting at a bus stop as they explained another one of our cousins, Spencer, got into a little scuffle. Spencer? What the hell, he’s like the nicest kid in the world, who would want to fight him? I pulled around to find Spencer in one of the strangest outfits I have ever witnessed. It turns out that he was wearing my Uncle Russ’ wedding suit with goofy sneakers to boot. I don’t even know how to explain what he was wearing. It was an cream colored open 3 button suit that literally was probably dated circa 1972. I asked him where he got his ridiculous seersucker suit and my friend Val told me it was not seersucker at all. Ahhhh shut up, what do you know?
It also became abundantly evident that Spencer was not the one fighting, it was his idiot friends that were acting like complete meatheads. One kid kept trying to pull his shirt off and the other one, I kid you not, was a 5 foot tall kid with red hair and a beard. Apparently leprechauns had ventured to Ocean City and wanted to partake in some good ol fashioned bar fights. Maybe he was pissed off because someone stole his lucky charms and/or pot o’ gold, there’s no telling.
I find this hilarious because it is so indicative of Spencer’s character but apparently when everyone was getting thrown out of the bar, one of the kids said to my cousin Spence: “nice suit [insert derogatory homosexual slander here].” Spencer replied “I know, I look good.” The battle-wounded New Yorker responded “yeah!? Well keep walking that way you [expletive].” Spencer responded with “oh? Keep walking the way I was going, okay, I anticipate on tearing up the dance floor and picking up chicks now.” Hilarious. That is so our family.
At this point we had two sets of guys glaring at each other but no one was saying anything except for muttering and saying how badly they wanted to give each other noogies. Come on guys, do you really think that makes you look tough? I assure you it doesn’t, ya look like an idiot. I gave my cousins a ride around the block and let them try riding it as well. They commented that it sure would be fun to ride via no fares but it could get a little tricky with any sort of weight on there. Welcome to my life brotha, I AM….the human mule.
NEW SEMI-NUDE PEDICAB DRIVERS
I picked up two younger girls and two middle aged women right around 28th street. I don’t know if they were drunk, didn’t know where they were going or what, but they told me about six different stories about where they were going. I went with my instinct and decided that I should drop them off at Seacret’s haha.
We talked for a while and the younger girls said that the pedicab ride was the best part of the vacation. They also said that they didn’t get to go out much so they had to take as many pictures as possible and live it up. When I asked them why this was, they quickly responded that they had small children at home. Yikes! Remind me not to have kids until I’m about…oh, say 40 or so. I’ll say it once and I’ll say it again; love yourself, enjoy life and try to experience as much as you can because you only get one shot at this thing. If getting married and having kids are your life goals then I’m happy for you but I happen to feel that I will be able to do that for the rest of my life; bring on the adventure!
Everyone was really, really interested in the pedicabs and asked me a TON of questions. I didn’t mind, I really appreciated them showing an interest and was glad that I had met such nice people. It ended up that the younger girls were with their mother and the really drunk lady on the right…I guess she was a friend? Anyhow, the girls kept asking if I would hire them to which I responded “absolutely.” They said that it seemed like an intense workout and didn’t know if their weight would permit them to participate. According to them all of their weight was “down low” rather than “up top.” Which basically meant that they had big ol booties, ones that were slightly worse than mine in their opinions.
They went on to say that they could tear my business up if they merely didn’t wear any clothes. I’m pretty sure that’s highly illegal but I entertained the idea. I asked them if wearing bikinis would be a great marketing strategy to which they replied “yes! But we have great butts so we should just take the bottoms off!” The sexual innuendo did not stop there either, their comments were like the energizer bunny…just kept going and going and going. What sort of freaked me out is that their mom was on the cab the whole time, listening to all of the crazy things that they were saying and just laughed it all off. If I said something like that in front of my mother I would get smacked in the mouth, but hey, different strokes for different folks.
LATE NIGHT MIDDLE FINGERS
I literally rode by these three guys walking on the side of Coastal Highway with patrons twice before my cab was free and they were able to jump on. These guys, though out of control, were extremely amusing. They kept jabbing each other in the side and asking “where the booze and honey’s at!?” They asked me if I could take them to the beer store 7 (seven) times (remember that I count when drunk people start making a habit of something). Each time I explained to them that it was 3:00 in the morning and all of the beer stores closed at 2 so they were a little out of luck. They nodded their heads in compliance and then would repeat the same question 5 minutes later. Yep, inebriation is rationality.
The one guy was laughing hysterically as he proceeded to yell absurd things like “get on the cab and get into my life babe-eeeee” and “you know you want it, you know you want it so just jump on this thing so we can do this girllll.” I don’t even know what any of that meant. They were getting a little out of hand but since they kept shoving 20′s in my pocket, hey, might as well live it up for a little.
Right around when we turned on St. Louis when they figured out that I wasn’t going to take them to a party with 20 blonde Russian chicks is when they started losing a sense of reality. Everyone became a target of their misdirected anger….even if there wasn’t anyone standing there. Middle fingers began flying around the back as if they were going out of style. Alright, it’s time to get these jokers home before they decide to knock over a vending machine or steal a baby or something. Actually, they asked me if I would wait while they broke into a trailer around 22nd street…I’m pretty sure they were dead serious.
I dropped them off and headed back for the shop but not before I was stopped by a huge party of Eastern Europeans and Nepalis. They ran off their stoop and took pictures with me on their bikes, all sporting middle fingers for some reason. I have no idea why young people do that, I will never understand and I do not care to. I just won’t engage in the same behavior and as always, try to lead by example.
As always, thank you for your undying support of my blog and all of the positive feedback that I have been receiving. Apparently even other generations are enjoying this thing as well. JB, thanks for the positive comments to the old man; I really appreciated it! This week is the White Marlin Open so it should be an out of control time. I’ll let you guys know how it all shakes out. Please friend us on FaceBook: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/coastalcruzn?ref=ts&__a=1 or http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=38000607&ref=name. Also, check us out on twitter.com/coastalcruzn. We would love to help you in any way that we can! Until tomorrow, all is well that ends well!